I had my electric cords shortened to save on electricity.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a
half.
The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow. This used to be a government of checks and
balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.
The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers
have to sit in the balcony.
It's foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I
know it seems silly to ask a horse who's going to win a race - but it's no sillier than
asking anyone else.
I read a book twice as fast as
anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in
the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.
Smartness runs
in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five
years.
There's so much good in the worst
of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even
worth talking about.
A young boy shouldn't be given up
for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by
those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.
Every time you win you're reborn.
When you lose, you die a little.
(Accepting George Burns'
proposal) You're the only boy who ever made me cry, and I decided that if you could make
me cry, I must really love you.
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- Laugh again or
for the first time at one of American radio's favorite comedy teams.