| I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
I think men who have a pierced
ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my
ears meet.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want
him to.
If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love
you, I want to marry you. I want to have children," -- they leave skid marks.
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It
makes them feel important.
I love to shop after a bad
relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask
myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
My mother buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Before I met my husband, I'd never
fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm
paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more
than my head.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery
until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Neurotics build castles in the air,
psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the
same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all
respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together
and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought
a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from
the inside.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was
Always.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.
|
- Books,
audio, whatever .. when it's Rita, it's funny.